Well it's official. We finally had THE "talk" with the GI doctor. For those of you who don't know what talk I'm refering to, it's the one about getting a g-tube. Don't know what a g-tube is, it's a tube that goes directly from your child's stomach to their belly so that you can feed your child formula through the tube. It is a scary devestating topic. To realize how sick your child is...even though they seem so healthy.
I think the hardest part at this moment is that we are teetering on a line. If Abinadi was a little worse the doctor would be demanding that he gets a tube...if he was a little better she would think he would be fine without it. I guess the simplest way to put it that he's surviving and not thriving, so the doctor is turning the decision over to us to get our opinion on how we feel our son is doing and where we think he will be in the next two months. It gets even harder that we also need to make this decision on a time frame...within the next 2 weeks so that we can trial an ng-tube (a tube that goes from the nose to the stomach to feed through) to see if he can tolerate the feedings and if they make a differience. Then to get the tube 2 weeks later so that he can have at least 2 weeks of continuous care afterwords before the move back to Colorado. At first I didn't want to think about it, how could I even come to make a decision like this? This is life altering. I wanted the decision to be easy when we came to this point, for the doctor to tell us absolute yes or absolute no...I just really didn't want to think about it.
But as we stood waiting for the Tuesday night family race to start Abinadi had another brakedown. He didn't want to go, he didn't want to run, he just didn't feel good. And in that moment I broke down in tears as well. This wasn't my child, my child LOVES running, LOVES being out and doing family activities. He's not been feeling well, he's not wanting to drink his bottles and he's constantly exhauseted. I was so glad at that moment that I had sunglasses on so that no one could see my utter break down, but in that moment all I could think of was, that while yes Abinadi could continue to survive but I owe it to him to have the chance to thrive! And no matter how much I hate the thought of a tube, if that could make all the difference in his development and growth don't I owe it to him to at least try and see if it makes a difference? I'm terrified of what this will mean and the trials that will come with it, but I have the strong feeling that I owe it to my son to do everything I can to make him the healthiest he can be.